J is for Jean

The J in my name is for Jean. People always ask that. People think I'm being pretentious including a middle initial. Jean is my grandma's name. She died of colon cancer when I was 3. She was my mom's best friend. And I never knew her. I don't remember her except the stories I've been told or the pictures I've seen. I wish I could have known her. So that's what the J is for. I'm not trying to do anything by including it in my name...other than remembering her.

My mom is such an amazing woman. She's always worked so hard to make sure me and my sister had everything we could ever need. She still does. She's always put us first. And she loves us so much. I'm sure she is the woman she is today because of her mom, Jean. I wish I could have known her. I wish she could have seen me grow up. I wish she could meet Matt. Seen how happy we are. I wish she could see the woman I've become. And all the things I've accomplished. I wish she could have come out to dinner last week with my mom & I. We had such an amazing time. I wish she could have been there.

I wish she could she see me now. Training six days a week. Running, biking, swimming in the rain. Raising $10,000 so that hopefully every grandparent can see their grandchild grow up. I know she'd be so proud of me. I wish she could be at Coraline for a Cure next Tuesday. I wish she could have been at one opening night of the many I've had in the past two years. I wish I could just have one conversation with her. Just one. Or a hug. Just one.

I hope someday I can be a wonderful mother like my mom is to me. Like her mom was to her. I hope someday I can be a wonderful grandmother. I hope I get to see my grandchildren grow up. I hope I can spoil them with love. And support them. At whatever they do.

I wish I could remember my Grandma Jean. I wish I could have known her. I wish she could still be here.

So, Grandma Jean -- I know you're up there watching down on me. I hope you're proud of me because I'm doing all of this for you. I love you!

For Grandma Jean!

xoxoxo